Looking back over the past few months can be a bit overwhelming when I consider all the random acts of kindness that I have received. I mean, really over the last two years it's been quite amazing to me, but for some reason the past two months it seemed like one thing right after another.

When we have trials we often feel abandoned and alone, and have a hard time really seeing our Heavenly Father's hand in our daily lives. We become so consumed by what heartaches and pains we are experiencing that we don't pay attention to the little blessings in our lives.

When I got shingles, I had a really hard time with it. I mean, I was cruising along, feeling 'great'. I even had told Greg not to long before that I hadn't felt that good in a long time. So when this came along, took me out of my daily routine, and just shook everything up, I was a bit hurt. I couldn't help but think, "Why now? I haven't been feeling overly stressed, everything is good, so why now?" It was hard, because I like to think that I've handled this whole experience fairly well (though my husband may disagree.) Yes, I have my moments, but overall, I feel like I've done okay, so for me to feel this way kind of dampened my whole spirit.

I often prayed for strength to help me get through this. I apologized to my Heavenly Father for not handling it very well, and told Him that I really wanted to be strong. I wanted to make it through. Of course He's not going to make it all go away entirely, but He will throw in some things that will help me feel better.

And that's when the kindness and thoughtfulness of others started pouring in.

I post a LOT on my Instagram, and a lot of it does have to do with how I'm feeling. Why? For sympathy of others? No. Because I want to remember the hard times so I can look back and say, "Look what I did!" Without having to put a lot of words down on paper, a simple picture with some extremely long hashtags help me remember.

A couple of days into my shingles, I received a card in the mail from a cousin on my husband's side. I have only met them a couple of times, but we're friends on facebook and instagram, so we kind of keep in touch that way. Her name is also Bre. She was a sweetheart and sent us a Coldstone gift card. So incredibly thoughtful.

Not long after that, I received another card in the mail from my Aunt & Uncle. I was a bit surprised to get it, but it totally made my day. Knowing that extended family is thinking of you is a great feeling.

Of course, I already told about my mom coming and bringing us meals, then rubbing my back for a good long while.

I received a fun little gift bag full of fun yellow stuff to brighten my day from my Visiting Teachers.

My co-workers were constantly in touch the week I was gone, just making sure I was okay (and wondering whether I was coming into work or not.) My good friend, and co-worker, Donna called me the Sunday before I returned to work and asked if she could bring me dinner. If you  know her cooking, then you can understand why I would never say no to her. She made us individual chicken pot pies, a salad, and some super delicious cookies.


When I got back to work, my co-workers were awesome as always. They are so good to help me pick things up that I've dropped, to help me count money when my hands are frozen and won't work, or to scan my checks at the end of the day when I'm just exhausted and really want to get home. I really feel bad that they do so much for me. They never complain one bit. Tease me, yes, but never complain. They seriously are the greatest.

My sisters-in-law pitched in and bought me this. It's called Secret Curl, and it's a fancy little tool that makes curling my hair super easy. They had seen how much I loved my hair curled, and were thoughtful enough to get this for me so Greg can do my hair.


One day I was back at work, and this lovely couple showed up to surprise me. They are two of my good friends from high school who were in town to celebrate their anniversary. I was seriously shocked, and yet so excited that they would stop by and say hi. We talked for quite a while. I very rarely get to see them anymore. Last time was at my brother's wedding (he married their niece.)


And then this came. I was working on a Saturday with Donna, and a girl that we both know pretty well went through lane two. This girls is always super sweet, and both Donna and I just love her. She moved away maybe 6 months or more, and so we hadn't seen her in a while. I helped her with her transaction, and sent a receipt out for her to sign. She sent it back and drove off, but when I opened  the tube, this sweet note was in here. I immediately started tear up. I don't remember telling her about my situation, and even if I did, it was 6 months ago. She's only seen me one other time before this, since being back, and I don't think we really said more than, "Hi" to each other.

Here's the thing that I haven't talked about really. My appearance. Do you think I like that I've lost 40 pounds and totally look anorexic? Or that the skin on my face is tightening, especially around my mouth, which makes my crooked teeth stand out a lot more than normal? Or that my once full lips are slowly disappearing? Or that the lines around my mouth just get more and more noticeable? Or that my hands are starting to turn into "claws"? Or that my arms don't straighten, and there is a permanent bend at my elbow? I know I sound shallow and vain, but to hear that you are beautiful after going through so many of these physical changes is pretty sweet.

I don't ever really complain about my appearance to anyone but my husband. You know how in  high school you used to go to school and say, "Oh, man, I totally look like crap today?" Yeah, you just don't do that when you're an adult. Besides, I'm just trying to take this all in, and complaining constantly about how crappy I look everyday is not going to help any, and will just make me feel worse. So I just shake my head, and roll with it. Point is, to hear your beautiful is always something a girl needs to hear. So that was appreciated.

And of course the last part. "Everything will be ok!" Seriously? How did you know that I needed to hear that. Remember, this was in that weird after-shingles period that nothing felt 'normal'. I don't know how she knew to write that, but it was what I needed, and I will be forever grateful to her for doing that for me.


Just last week while I was at work, I received this huge, beautiful basket of flowers. I have no idea who they are from. My boss just put it at my station and said they wanted to remain anonymous. It was the greatest surprise ever.


And then this week I received a visit from a sweet friend from many, many years ago. She was a couple of years older than me, but we were in band and young women's together. She was also so kind, and such a great example. It was a sweet blessing to see her again.



This doesn't even scratch the surface of the kindness I've received. I've received a lot of words of encouragement and it just really means a lot. It's made me realize what a horrible human being I've been for not following up on the prompts to go visit someone, or send someone a card or a gift. Even now as I type I think of at least three people I need to do something for, and I just haven't. Seriously. What is wrong with me? I need to be better, and each of you needs to be sure to follow up on those promptings to act in kindness. You never know what your kindness will do for someone.

Going back to my prayers. My {patriarchal blessing} blesses me with the "constant realization of the love of my Heavenly Father." He can't be here physically to hug me, or have a conversation back and forth, or to bring me flowers or meals. That's why he needs each and every one of us. I know my Heavenly Father prompted all these sweet people, because he knew I needed to feel of His love.

Seriously, people. I am blessed!!

On Wednesday, March 19, as I was sitting in my manager's office for our morning meeting, I kept feeling this pain that would throb in my back, and send pain down to my knee. It hurt a little bit enough to make me uncomfortable, but not so bad that I couldn't tolerate it. I took some Tramadol and some Ibuprofen, which helped a little, but not much. Thursday the pain got worse. I was still able to work, but by the end of my shift, I was really uncomfortable. It just got worse that night.

Friday I stayed home and decided to call my doctor to see if I could come see him. By now the pain was quite intolerable. I wish I could explain it. It was like when my back would throb, it would send a shooting pain around the front of my thigh to the back. It was so painful, and nothing seemed to help. It would like pulsate, and I would freeze because it hurt so bad. I was able to go in and see Dr. Carlson that afternoon.


He asked me about the pain, then had me stand (which I could barely do) and he pushed down my back. It hurt more when he pushed on my lower back, so he thought it was probably my sciatic nerve. He gave me some medicine and pain killers to try and help, as well as a shot in the butt. (That was a first, and was quite painful). He sent me home with instructions to call him Monday if I didn't feel better.


That night as I was bathing, my knee was stinging quite bad. When I got out of the tub, and ran to the bedroom to lay down, I asked Greg if I had cuts on my knee. He said it looked red, so I thought it was razor burn or something like that. Well, the pain got worse and I was basically bed ridden. It hurt so much to get out of bed and try to walk. Eating was hard, and even going to the bathroom was painful. I just really couldn't find relief.

As the weekend went on, the rash got worse. I started getting blistery things on my knee and up my thigh. They didn't hurt necessarily, just the other pain shooting through my thigh. I thought they might be hives. Oh joy.

Monday came and I stayed home again. The pain was so bad. I may just have been being a baby, but it really was bad. I called my doctor and told them the pain wasn't getting better, and that I had developed a rash that I  thought was maybe hives. The lady I spoke with said she would send Dr. Carlson a message and see what he wanted to do.

When she called back, she said that he wanted me to get an X-ray (still thinking it was my sciatic nerve), and go to physical therapy. She then asked me to describe the rash, so I did. A little while later she called back and said he wanted to see me.


I'm not even kidding, the pain was so bad I could barely walk. It was hard to breathe and hard to talk too. Ah, it makes me want to cry thinking about it. Greg came and got me and took me to the clinic. He checked me in, and when the nurse came to get me, Greg said, "It might be easier if we get a wheelchair." That's how bad it was. I went and had my back X-rayed, then went to see Dr. Carlson. As soon as he saw the rash he said, "I'm pretty sure that's shingles." Awesome. He asked me more questions and checked them out a bit more, then decided on the meds I'd be taking. Because I'm on an immune suppressor for the Scleroderma, I'm more susceptible to getting shingles (along with cancer, dying, etc.) It really sucks because I knew that all along, but I just figured it would be like a cold, or the flu, not something like shingles. Needless to say, it totally threw me for a loop. He put me on Lyrica to help with the nerve pain, told me to start out on it slowly, and build up until the pain was gone.

Monday night was the worst. I was in so much pain. The throbbing just would not stop, and nothing I did even helped. It sucked. Greg even slept in the living room I was making my pain known. I stayed home the next day as well. There was no way I was going to be able to work. I got up early with Greg and bathed (which was the little relief I received), then ran back to bed where I stayed basically all day.


My mom was in town and had some stuff for me, so when she texted me and asked if she could stop by, I said, "Yes, as long as you don't care that I'm not dressed." I did wrap a blanket around me though. I did feel a little better, and by a little I mean I was able to walk to the kitchen and sit down. It was still hard to talk, but Mom stayed for a little while, then I went back to my bedroom where Mom rubbed my back for a while. It was really great. She's the best. Thanks mom.

The rest of the week slowly got better. My days consisted of getting up early, bathing, going back to bed, trying to sleep, playing on my phone, eventually watching Pretty Little Liars on Netflix, eating as much as I could, bathing again at night, and then sleeping.

Here's a little timeline of how pretty the shingle were.


It was so incredibly frustrating to get shingles. I've been really trying hard not to complain about my situation, but it was a really hard week, and has been since. I just feel like I was going along, doing just fine, then all of a sudden, I've got yet another thing to deal with and fight through. I know it's all part of my mortal experience, and that I'm not alone in this. It can be hard sometimes to remember that your Heavenly Father is there and he understands what I'm going through, and He hurts that I hurt. I'm guilty of forgetting that and feeling like I'm alone. It's just been hard. The shingles themselves (the sores) haven't been that bad, the nerve pain totally sucked, and just the emotional toll that it's taken on me has been really hard.

But, I'm not writing this to get sympathy or for you to feel bad for me. I am doing fine. I will be okay. I only write it so that I can remember the feelings I had, and how eventually, the physical pain will go away, maybe the emotional pain will stick around for a while, but it will all be okay. My Heavenly Father knows that I'm struggling and can and will give me comfort when that emotional pain won't go away.

Right now the shingles have almost completely disappeared. I still have a few scabs, and some scars, but they're healing well. The nerve pain has almost completely disappeared as well. I have a little pain still in my back and hip, but it's tolerable, and that's all I can ask for. Like I said, it really threw me for a loop, and I'm still working my way back, but seriously. I'm doing well. I've been so incredibly blessed the last month, and I'm lucky it was just shingles, and not something worse. Plus, I got a week off of work, and got an entire season of Pretty Little Liars in.