When I was in high school, shortly before my 16th birthday I got tonsillitis. I was given some medicine, which resulted in me breaking out in hives. This was right before we were headed to UVSC for a team volleyball camp, so I got to go with a swollen face, and red splotches all over my body. It was miserable, to say the least. Plus, the guy that I liked was also down there for a wrestling tournament, and he stopped by to watch us. Talk about embarrassing! (Well, to a 16 year old anyway! ;)

Fast forward to shortly before Christmas. I went in for my regular check-up, and I told Dr. Walker about being bloated all the time. He recommended going on an antibiotic to clear out any bacteria that may be lingering in my stomach. He prescribed Amoxicillin, which I started taken. I made it about 3 days before my face started burning. I got up for church that next Sunday morning to a bright red, swollen face.


It was awesome.

Not.

My face eventually cleared up, but then the hives spread to the rest of my body. I called my doctor, and he prescribed me a different, more expensive antibiotic.

The hives, however, took their sweet time getting out of my system. Enjoy the next few pictures.


 


They were awfully itchy. I couldn't sleep at night because they itched so bad. I could not stop. It was not fun. It went all through Christmas, so that was fun too! They eventually subsided, and now Greg teases me about not telling doctors about things I'm allergic to, but how was I to know? It was like 13 years ago!

Side note: Around this time, (Christmas) I was also surprised with a package of socks in the mail. At my December appointment, Dr. Walker got made at me because my toes were purple. (I was wearing socks!) So this package was a nice surprise, with some super cute socks. Thanks to whoever sent them! You pretty much rock!

Looking back over the past few months can be a bit overwhelming when I consider all the random acts of kindness that I have received. I mean, really over the last two years it's been quite amazing to me, but for some reason the past two months it seemed like one thing right after another.

When we have trials we often feel abandoned and alone, and have a hard time really seeing our Heavenly Father's hand in our daily lives. We become so consumed by what heartaches and pains we are experiencing that we don't pay attention to the little blessings in our lives.

When I got shingles, I had a really hard time with it. I mean, I was cruising along, feeling 'great'. I even had told Greg not to long before that I hadn't felt that good in a long time. So when this came along, took me out of my daily routine, and just shook everything up, I was a bit hurt. I couldn't help but think, "Why now? I haven't been feeling overly stressed, everything is good, so why now?" It was hard, because I like to think that I've handled this whole experience fairly well (though my husband may disagree.) Yes, I have my moments, but overall, I feel like I've done okay, so for me to feel this way kind of dampened my whole spirit.

I often prayed for strength to help me get through this. I apologized to my Heavenly Father for not handling it very well, and told Him that I really wanted to be strong. I wanted to make it through. Of course He's not going to make it all go away entirely, but He will throw in some things that will help me feel better.

And that's when the kindness and thoughtfulness of others started pouring in.

I post a LOT on my Instagram, and a lot of it does have to do with how I'm feeling. Why? For sympathy of others? No. Because I want to remember the hard times so I can look back and say, "Look what I did!" Without having to put a lot of words down on paper, a simple picture with some extremely long hashtags help me remember.

A couple of days into my shingles, I received a card in the mail from a cousin on my husband's side. I have only met them a couple of times, but we're friends on facebook and instagram, so we kind of keep in touch that way. Her name is also Bre. She was a sweetheart and sent us a Coldstone gift card. So incredibly thoughtful.

Not long after that, I received another card in the mail from my Aunt & Uncle. I was a bit surprised to get it, but it totally made my day. Knowing that extended family is thinking of you is a great feeling.

Of course, I already told about my mom coming and bringing us meals, then rubbing my back for a good long while.

I received a fun little gift bag full of fun yellow stuff to brighten my day from my Visiting Teachers.

My co-workers were constantly in touch the week I was gone, just making sure I was okay (and wondering whether I was coming into work or not.) My good friend, and co-worker, Donna called me the Sunday before I returned to work and asked if she could bring me dinner. If you  know her cooking, then you can understand why I would never say no to her. She made us individual chicken pot pies, a salad, and some super delicious cookies.


When I got back to work, my co-workers were awesome as always. They are so good to help me pick things up that I've dropped, to help me count money when my hands are frozen and won't work, or to scan my checks at the end of the day when I'm just exhausted and really want to get home. I really feel bad that they do so much for me. They never complain one bit. Tease me, yes, but never complain. They seriously are the greatest.

My sisters-in-law pitched in and bought me this. It's called Secret Curl, and it's a fancy little tool that makes curling my hair super easy. They had seen how much I loved my hair curled, and were thoughtful enough to get this for me so Greg can do my hair.


One day I was back at work, and this lovely couple showed up to surprise me. They are two of my good friends from high school who were in town to celebrate their anniversary. I was seriously shocked, and yet so excited that they would stop by and say hi. We talked for quite a while. I very rarely get to see them anymore. Last time was at my brother's wedding (he married their niece.)


And then this came. I was working on a Saturday with Donna, and a girl that we both know pretty well went through lane two. This girls is always super sweet, and both Donna and I just love her. She moved away maybe 6 months or more, and so we hadn't seen her in a while. I helped her with her transaction, and sent a receipt out for her to sign. She sent it back and drove off, but when I opened  the tube, this sweet note was in here. I immediately started tear up. I don't remember telling her about my situation, and even if I did, it was 6 months ago. She's only seen me one other time before this, since being back, and I don't think we really said more than, "Hi" to each other.

Here's the thing that I haven't talked about really. My appearance. Do you think I like that I've lost 40 pounds and totally look anorexic? Or that the skin on my face is tightening, especially around my mouth, which makes my crooked teeth stand out a lot more than normal? Or that my once full lips are slowly disappearing? Or that the lines around my mouth just get more and more noticeable? Or that my hands are starting to turn into "claws"? Or that my arms don't straighten, and there is a permanent bend at my elbow? I know I sound shallow and vain, but to hear that you are beautiful after going through so many of these physical changes is pretty sweet.

I don't ever really complain about my appearance to anyone but my husband. You know how in  high school you used to go to school and say, "Oh, man, I totally look like crap today?" Yeah, you just don't do that when you're an adult. Besides, I'm just trying to take this all in, and complaining constantly about how crappy I look everyday is not going to help any, and will just make me feel worse. So I just shake my head, and roll with it. Point is, to hear your beautiful is always something a girl needs to hear. So that was appreciated.

And of course the last part. "Everything will be ok!" Seriously? How did you know that I needed to hear that. Remember, this was in that weird after-shingles period that nothing felt 'normal'. I don't know how she knew to write that, but it was what I needed, and I will be forever grateful to her for doing that for me.


Just last week while I was at work, I received this huge, beautiful basket of flowers. I have no idea who they are from. My boss just put it at my station and said they wanted to remain anonymous. It was the greatest surprise ever.


And then this week I received a visit from a sweet friend from many, many years ago. She was a couple of years older than me, but we were in band and young women's together. She was also so kind, and such a great example. It was a sweet blessing to see her again.



This doesn't even scratch the surface of the kindness I've received. I've received a lot of words of encouragement and it just really means a lot. It's made me realize what a horrible human being I've been for not following up on the prompts to go visit someone, or send someone a card or a gift. Even now as I type I think of at least three people I need to do something for, and I just haven't. Seriously. What is wrong with me? I need to be better, and each of you needs to be sure to follow up on those promptings to act in kindness. You never know what your kindness will do for someone.

Going back to my prayers. My {patriarchal blessing} blesses me with the "constant realization of the love of my Heavenly Father." He can't be here physically to hug me, or have a conversation back and forth, or to bring me flowers or meals. That's why he needs each and every one of us. I know my Heavenly Father prompted all these sweet people, because he knew I needed to feel of His love.

Seriously, people. I am blessed!!

At work, I generally always wear gloves. Especially in the colder weather. There is not a time when I don't. My hands would just freeze and stop working. I get a lot of questions, and I never really know how to answer. I typically answer with quick replies and hope they don't ask more questions. Depending on how they ask their question also depends on how I respond.

"Why are you wearing gloves?" -- My hands are cold, is usually the easiest question to answer.
"Is it really that cold?" -- No, I just feel like wearing gloves for fun. This one I tend to get a bit snippy with, because yes, it really is that cold. Why else would I wear gloves? (I usually just say yes and move on)
"Do you have carpal tunnel?" -- No, my hands are just cold
"Do you have arthritis?" -- Kind of, a form of it, I guess, typically followed by, "You're too young for arthritis." -- Yes, yes I am.

For a long time I just would use the, "my hands are just cold" as an excuse. There are a few members who know what's going on with me, but most just drop it after I say that. I really just don't know how to answer. If I say I have Scleroderma, they're going to want to know what it is, followed by more questions, which I guess isn't a bad thing, it could raise more awareness, but I just don't want people to feel bad for me or ask a lot of questions.

November 29, I had a lady come into the credit union. I sighed as she asked the purpose of the gloves. I told her because my hands go numb if they get too cold. She asked if I had raynaud's, to which I replied, "Yeah, among other things." She then asked, "Do you have Scleroderma?" I'm sure the look on my face was that of utter surprise. No one knows what that is, let alone one of the few people who came into the credit union that day. I told her I did, and then she said, "My mama had Scleroderma too."

What are the chances? I just couldn't believe it. I wasn't going to greet her, either. I was going to let the other teller help her. It was crazy that this lady had an understanding of what I was going through.

We talked for some time about it, and it was just amazing to have another actual person in front of me who knew about Scleroderma. Just crazy. It made me so excited to talk to her. I wanted to ask her all sorts of questions, but where I was at work, I didn't have that chance. She told me she had written a book about her mom, and an experience that she had when her mother passed away, and then said she had one in her car. She went out and got it, then wrote me a little note on the inside.

It was so crazy to be able to talk with her. I know the Lord sends people our way when we need them. Whether it's someone who has experienced what you have, or has known someone who has, or who just needs to be there to brighten your day. I needed to see that lady. I needed to talk to her, and I needed that book.

I started reading it that night, and made it about half way through, then put it down and haven't finished it since. It just got so crazy being around Christmas that I kind of forgot about it. I'll have to get it out and finish it up. But it was a really great experience to be able to speak with her. Small world for sure.
I did promise her I'd let me friends and family know about it as well. I believe she said a portion of the book goes toward Scleroderma research, but her website is: http://www.bycaramarie.com/ and the book is called, "A Butterfly's Song: Watching Mama Fly Away."

The day after my appointment with my rheumatologist, I was supposed to go back to the hospital and get a chest X-ray. They weren't there when I went down to get my blood drawn, so I just figured I'd go after work the next day since I needed to pick up my new meds as well.

As I was leaving work, everything felt normal, so I did what I do everyday and went to walk across the parking lot to get in my car. I have no idea what happened next to cause this, but as soon as I stepped off the curb I got this weird sensation and just knew I was going to fall. I took a couple of steps and was going down. Because my reflexes aren't what they used to be, I had no way of stopping myself or adjusting to protect myself, so down I went. I fell on my left side and smacked my head on the pavement. It hurt like crazy, but the thing that scared me most was not knowing how I was going to get up. I haven't been able to get on the ground voluntarily in a very long time, so I knew that whatever happened next was going to be rough. As I lay there, somewhat curled up in the fetal position, crying a bit, I had a few thoughts. First, "I really hope no one comes flying around to park and runs me over," and second, "Who should I call? Greg? Someone at work? Who?" I'm glad I had my phone, but as I lay there for what seemed like a very long time, I just prayed that someone would come out that could help me (and also that I wouldn't get run over!)

Luckily a college kid had been driving into the parking lot and saw the whole thing. He got out of his car and immediately came over to see if I were okay. I had him help me up to a sitting position where he checked to make sure my head wasn't bleeding. The only part of me that had any major damage were my fingers. Broken fingernails, and my middle finger on my right hand was cut up and bleeding. He got me a bandaid to cover that up, then I asked him to help me up. It's hard to explain to people I don't know why I can't get up by myself, and why they're going to practically have to lift me up, but luckily he didn't ask.

I had him take me into the credit union where I was hoping to be able to sit down without drawing too much attention while I figured out what to do next. Unfortunately, my boss saw me and came over, then the assistant manager, and one of my co-workers. They all came over and asked what happened, to which I responded, "I have no idea. I just fell." They got me an icepack for my head and then my boss offered to drive me over to pick up Greg. On the way he said, "It's probably a little early for jokes, huh?" to which I responded, "It doesn't matter. Greg will make fun of me as soon as he gets in the car anyway." Which was pretty much true.

I had a massive headache and was a bit dizzy, but mostly embarrassed. Stuff like this doesn't and shouldn't happen to me. I was so frustrated that it did happen. It just kind of proved that I'm not able to do some of the basic things (like walk by myself!) that I used to be able to do. I'd always had a fear of falling, but had been lucky until that point, so I guess that is a blessing that it hasn't happened more. But it is still a bit discouraging and frustrating.

I went home and slept, and slept, and slept. I still felt really dizzy, and could no longer sit myself up in bed. One time during the night I asked Greg to help me up and it felt like the entire bed shifted. Scared me a bit. My eyesight was a bit blurry too, so luckily I had just gotten new glasses so I didn't have to try to put in my contacts.

My boss told me if I needed to take some time off, I could. The fall happened on Tuesday, so I knew I would for sure miss Wednesday. I slept in, and it was much needed, though I was still super dizzy in the morning. Like I said, I could no longer sit myself up, so I had to basically roll out of bed, and still do. At least it's easier.

This is the massive goose egg that was the result of the fall. I also had a bruised shoulder and a sore hip. Not to mention the finger damage which actually turned out to be the worst part.

So I stayed home Wednesday, and my sweet husband made me a root beer float to help with the headache.

I watched SOAP network all day, and avoided standing up as much as possible. Part of the problem too was that I started my new medications, and some side effects were light-headedness or dizziness, so I never could quite figure out if it was from the fall or from me medicine.

Around 1:30 I heard a knock at the door. Luckily I had pants and a robe on. I was surprised to see one of my co-workers at the door with some flowers and a balloon. It was really neat because this lady is one that I had been having a few issues with over the past few years. We have our good times and we have our bad times. She is a sweet lady and I really appreciated her thoughtfulness. She also offered to come pick me up for work, which actually turned out to be a great blessing.



Thursday I still felt a bit dizzy, so I stayed home again. Friday I thought I was doing better so I got up and showered to go to work. When I put my contacts in I got super dizzy. So I decided to take another day off. I felt really guilty the entire time, but there was no way I'd be able to work being that dizzy.


I was able to go back to work the next Monday, but I was still super nervous. The dizziness was still there and lasted for quite a while. But like I said, I didn't know if it was from the fall or from the meds. I've gotten over the massive dizziness and only get dizzy occasionally, so that's good, however I still have to be extremely careful how and where I step, and I'm still nervous I'll fall. It kind of sucks.

Another reason I started this blog was so that I could write down small acts of kindness that I've received.

I have worked at my job for over 3.5 years now, and I've gotten to know quite a few of our members. I know the majority by name, and a lot of times can guess what they want to do. A few months back I was talking with my manager and he mentioned that he's had quite a few members ask if I was doing okay. My response was, "Really? That's so embarrassing." Now, you have to remember that I don't want this thing I'm dealing with to be something that's noticeable, or affect my ability to do my job, but obviously there are some things that I just can't control, and there have been some things that have had to change. Plus, when you where gloves all the time, people really notice.

Anyway, I didn't really believe him when he told me that. There have only been a few members that come in that I've told there was something wrong with me. Most people will ask about the gloves and move on (which is fine, because I don't necessarily like talking about it to strangers, because I don't want to have to explain), but a few have asked me deeper questions, so I've told them. They're always sweet about it, and always ask me how I'm doing when they come in next.

Today, I had a gentleman come through the drive-thru that I know, so I greeted him by name. He told me what he wanted, and then asked, "Have you lost weight?" to which I responded, probably with a hefty sigh, "Yes, I have." His next question kind of took my by surprise, "Are you okay?" It kind of took me by surprise that he had that kind of concern for me. This man is always very nice when I see him, but I just didn't expect him to notice much about me. (Plus, he's a male...Men don't notice that stuff! ;). I proceeded to tell him that it was because of health issues, but that we're on our way back up. It just made me feel really good that there are people out there who are watching out for us, that we don't expect, that do care about us and are mindful.

It also got me thinking that we need to be the same. We need to be observant of those around us, whether we know them well, or are meeting them for the first time. Don't ever miss out on a prompting to ask someone if they're doing okay, or to write a note, or just do something kind.

I didn't believe what my boss told me, but apparently it's true. There are people out there who care.