If you follow me on instagram at all, you will know that I have some very strange dreams. For example, one of my more recent weird dream was about my friend Melanie and I being asked to pass the sacrament at some multi-stake conference being held in Cokeville, or most recently about how the singer Shawn Mendes replaced my dream boyfriend not only in the band they were in, but also as my boyfriend, and those aren't even the weirdest dreams I have had.

I have had many dreams throughout the years where I am playing volleyball or basketball, but I am not able to play like I used to. Either my feet seem to stick to the floor, or I can't serve the ball, or I can't dribble the basketball. For YEARS I have had those dreams. Even in high school.

Now, we have to back up a little more before I get to my point. My dad has been a volleyball coach for as long as I can remember. I feel like I basically grew up in a gym, and I am okay with that. Volleyball has always been a passion of mine, and some of the best memories I have are from being on the court. To say I was obsessed is an understatement. Volleyball and even basketball were my life...once upon a time.


I haven't been able to play the sport I love in almost 5 years, and the last time I played, I could barely move, and had to serve underhand. It's been hard, to say the least. Watching others play and not being able to even hold the ball like I was going to serve it has kind of sucked.


A few weeks ago I had an interesting dream. It was similar to the dreams I have had in the past, but it was different enough to make me think.

In this dream I was a freshman, and we were at the Bear Lake Freshman Volleyball tournament. I knew that I had Scleroderma, but no one on my team knew. My dad (who was our coach) knew, but Coach Toomer did not. Toomer kept trying to put me in, and I just kept shaking my head, trying to avoid being put in. (Which if you know me, I would jump at any opportunity to be in. "Put me in coach, put me in!")

I would look at my Dad and shake my head and give him a look like, "Don't make me play." Needless to say, it didn't work very well. I missed a few passes because I couldn't move fast enough, and I missed my serve because I had no upper body strength. After the first game was over, I had a little talk with my dad, who then told me to tell my teammates.

That is all I really remember about the dream, but it has bothered me ever since. Like I said, it was all very similar to my other dreams, but this one had just enough of a difference that it has bothered me tremendously.


The difference between this and my other dreams, was in my other dreams, I was in the stage of life that I am now, meaning, yes I was a 30 year old (or whatever age I was at the time) playing on a high school team (I told you my dreams are weird!) In this dream, I was a freshman, and I was diagnosed with Scleroderma, and unable to play my high school and college years of volleyball.The one thing I could think about was that my Heavenly Father knew that I would not be able to handle being sick as well back then, as I am able to now.

I know that sounds silly, but he knew how much I loved the game (basketball included), and that I needed those experiences in my life. I know He knew what playing sports mean to me. I had never thought about how my life would have been so incredibly different had I been diagnosed a lot earlier in life. I would never have had the chance to play at State, or on the All-star team, make All-state, or play in college, win our region, and travel to Missouri for Nationals.

I am grateful for this disease, but even more grateful for the Lord's timing in it.

This year, the Northern Utah Scleroderma group decided not to do a 5K, but instead did a comedy night. I wasn't able to go, and was a little bummed as I have loved the race the last two years. It was fun to have so much of my family gathered in one place.

Because of this, we nearly didn't do t-shirts (that and the fact that I put it off forever, then my mom was going to have hip surgery, and it was all just last minute). For the last year, though, I have been thinking that I wanted to continue to do t-shirts every year, with the proceeds going to a deserving family, whether they had Scleroderma, or not. I had in mind the family I wanted to donate to this year, so it broke my heart when we initially decided not to do shirts. I just couldn't shake the feeling, so I asked my mom again if we could do it. She, thankfully, said yes, and we were able to get the word out and sell shirts.

Last year after the 5K when we were all at my parents house for Kennan's farewell, I was talking to my sisters about the possibility of doing a volleyball tournament fundraiser. It would be the same thing, to raise awareness for Scleroderma, however the proceeds would be given to a deserving family. I messaged my sisters and they were all on board.

Shortly after, my mom texted me and said that a girl that I went to high school with wanted to put on a tournament for my Uncle Stan, who was recently diagnosed with cancer. Stan said that he would like the fundraiser to be for me. My mom told her that I was planning on giving the funds away, so we decided to split any proceeds made from the tournament to go to two different families.
It was a really good tournament, and a great opportunity to spread awareness for this disease. There were 12 teams that participated, tables of  goodies and gift baskets that were auctioned off, and hamburgers and hot dogs were sold.
 It was really neat to see so many people show up in support of this. Even if they just wanted to play volleyball.

My sisters had a team, and while I would have loved to play, it just wasn't possible. Trust me. I tried to play with my nephew Alex. Because my arms doing turn, I struggled to hold the ball out to "serve" it. Even trying to toss the ball was a strange thing. It is so simple, right? I don't know if it was because I'm weak, or if it was my lack of coordination and super slow reflexes, but I really struggled even tossing the ball. It was a bit strange.

Anyway, my sisters had a team. There was Shari, Kandyce, McKenzie, Ashbee (SIL), Madi (Ashbee's sister), Sheila (cousin), and Lauren (friend). It was fun watching them and cheering them on.
 I still, and will forever, claim I'm adopted. Proof is below.



 Lots of memories in this gym. Lots and lots!

It was also really fun to see some people that I had played with or against all those many years ago, and seeing so many people wearing my "Team Bre" shirts (which, I need to apologize that they weren't as awesome of quality as years past. Going forward we will not be using the same place.)

One of my favorite parts, besides spending time with my family was meeting another Sclero-sister. Jennifer lives in Georgetown, only about 45 minutes from Cokeville. It's fun to be able to talk with someone else who knows what I'm going through, and knows how to awkwardly pose with me! ;) (PS, my arm does NOT straighten.)
I just have to say thank you again to all who showed up on this day. It was an amazing day, and so fun to see such support. Thank you just doesn't even cut it. Thanks to Savannah for putting this together. For finding the teams, items for the auction, and for just doing an amazing job and being an amazing person. Thanks to my family and friends for their continued love and support. You're all amazing.

Looking forward to next year already!